Monday May16, 2011

Since my last update and vent, here is what has happened, what's going to happen and possibly a vent or two...

Last Wednesday had a Nutrition Care appt since I can't seem to gain the weight I need to no matter how much I eat and drink. And for those that know me you know I don't do diets and that I haven't had a problem with gaining weight since being in the Army. In fact I've had a problem keeping the weight off before getting pregnant. It's just so frustrating.

This past Thursday I had a growth check on the babies with my MFM. All the kiddos are doing great. The smallest one (Ethan) was 1lb, 1oz and the largest one (Jr.) was 1lb, 5ozs. Ethan was measuring a little less than a week behind the others but the doc said that was fine and that he was still doing great.

This week on Wednesday I have an appt up at UNC Chapel Hill with a different MFM. Since my delivery at Womack will depend on how far along I am and how much room their NICU has the doc is sending me up to UNC to meet the staff up there in case I have to deliver up there. Everything seems to be happening so quickly now. I'm hoping that I can hold these babies in for at least another 8wks which will put me at 32wks. My little frame really wasn't built for this but I know I can endure the pain with God's help.

Ok now for my vent...
   Well my hubby and I have issues just like any marriage does. But they are our issues. We might occasionally have a tiff on FB about something but in no way do we ever put out the full story because well we don't need outsiders trying to interject into our marriage and tell up how to do thing no matter how "helpful" they think their intentions are. Having that said my SIL has never really been a part of my or our life since I met my hubby over 9yrs ago. She seems to think she is helping when she interjects her 2 cents into whatever post that I would put up on FB or my hubby puts up. Mind you she really has only bothered with me since I got pregnant. Well last week my hubby and I got into a tiff and about 3 days later she interjected her "helpful" advice once again. One she does not know how the Army works, Two she acts like I'm f'n helpless and ignorant, and three what makes her an expert on marriages, being pregnant or raising children when she has never had to deal with that. She is a touchy subject when it comes to my hubby. He wants a relationship with her and really doesn't ever stick up for me or us when she opens her mouth. It kinda pisses me off but I can understand his want for a relationship with his sister. So what I decided to do was delete her from my FB so that I cannot and will not have the urge to tell her to back the hell off when my hormones are raging. (which lately is about every day). Now I'm sure if she reads this she is going to be woe is me and post something untrue and nasty on FB so that her friends have sympathy for her. But ya know whatever she needs to do to make herself feel better for her selfish ways is what she needs to do. The biggest thing that sucks is that I know the subject of her in relation to our kids is gonna come up again after the kids are here. No matter if someone is blood there are certain ppl that I consider family and they were a part of my life before I got pregnant. I have good friends that are more family to me than some blood relatives will ever be. I guess I will have to cross that bridge when it gets here. Guess that's it for now.

Friday May 6,2011

So yesterday had an anatomy scan and all 4 babies were doing good as can be. They all had 4 chamber in there heart and oh oh oh the boys displayed their peter's proudly so that a picture could be taken. I laughed an them. They all seem to have their own personalities and they haven't even joined us in the world yet. Emma likes to ball up in the mornings and makes my belly look really lumpy. Jr kicks and hits the hardest. He moves a whole heck of a lot. Henry likes to push up and out on my right side ribs (and believe me it hurts like hell). Lilly is my gate keeper. She my be the smallest of the lot but she is definitely the boss. My sonographer said she was quad blocking when I said she was the little gate keeper. I started laughing so hard when she said that. Can't wait to hold these little munchkins in my arms. Wish Nick would have been there but I was happy to have Rosemary take his spot in his absence.

Now for my vent of the day or maybe vents....
   Being in the military I understand that there are times that your job will take priority over family but it's a hard thing to handle when your extremely pregnant. Nick for about 3 wks now comes home on the average between 6pm-8pm. It puts a lot of stress on me because I can't really use the oven or stove to cook so I'm stuck microwaving the same kinds of food or eating out. I can't count on him for much of anything any more and it sucks. To make matters worse something that has bothered me for a while but I held in (except for some smart remarks here and there) just hit me all at once today. I love my husband and he is a great man and I know he's not nor will he ever be perfect. Having said that this is what's been bothering me/ hurting me for a while...I bought Nick an iPhone about a year ago and at first things weren't too bad but over time he has seriously become addicted to it. Whether if it's Facebooking, txting or playing Angry Birds he is always on it from the time he comes home til he falls asleep with it in his hands. He would rather be on that thing than spend anytime with me. When I make smart comments to him about it he'll say that we are spending quality time cause I'm sitting in the same room with him. I think it's been bothering me a lot more lately because he's only home for 2 or 3 hrs before he falls asleep and he chooses to be on his phone rather than spend time with me. I txted him earlier today and told him that I had news about a crucial appt at UNC but that I could wait to tell him about it until he got home. Well when he got home it was more important to send an email for work than it was for him to get the info about the appt. It's 11:23pm and he still doesn't know squat about the appt. When I got upset because I walked he was on his phone typing up that email I decided to take a shower to try and calm myself so that I wouldn't let my blood pressure rise. He came in half way thru and got upset with me for getting upset with him. I can't catch a break with him right now. Lately he is making me feel so guilty for being pregnant and needing so much help or wanting him to be a part of this pregnancy. I don't know how to get through to him about how much his actions are hurting me. And I am so scared that this behavior is gonna continue after the kids arrive. I don't want them to take a back seat to his phone. I know a lot of what I feel is intensified because the hormones are off the charts; I just don't know how to deal with it.

Vent #2...This is just in addition to Wednesday's post. Before you cast stones you should try putting yourself in the other person's shoes first. If I've never confided in you, you don't know me personally or if you just met me don't assume that I don't know crap and need advice or guidance. If you have children but have not had them with in the last 15 to 20 yrs you really can't understand what I'm going through or the things I have to deal with since things have changed so much over time. There are so many possible complications and scary situations to deal with starting early in a pregnancy with higher order multiples that truly only medical professionals and other mothers in this situation can comprehend. As for general situations such as getting ready for the babies homecoming and knowing what's a necessity for them people need to comprehend that because this pregnancy is high risk we had to start planning for all that when I entered my 2nd trimester about 2mths ago. Every time I speak up and say I don't need someone's advice they get all butt hurt and think that I'm being ungrateful, rude and/or offensive. Get a clue, take a look in the mirror and realize that you are the one being rude and offensive for assuming that I don't know anything and needed your advice in the first place. When you assume things you make an ass out of you and me. I think everyone should stop and think of before they offer advice especially if they are going to get offended when the receiver is not wanting it. I'm guilty of doing it too but I don't really get offended when someone tells me in any way shape or form that it is not welcomed. It is ultimately that persons life and you just need to let them live it, good or bad. Most people will ask for help when they need it. I might wait til I have exhausted all other options but I will eventually ask for help if I need it. I seriously miss my MIL cause I know she would be here making me laugh telling me to tell people to F off when they gave me unsolicited advice. I miss that crazy old Sophia more than anyone can know. (well maybe not more than her own kids but still a close 2nd)

Oh and I really want to say a special thank you to all the quad mom's I've met online. You all have helped me out tremendously since I've met you all. It's comforting to know that I can get advice so easily from other women that have or are going through a quad pregnancy.

Wednesday May 4, 2011

This past Friday my hubby took me to the Fort Bragg Fair in my new wheels (my wheelchair) so that we could get some fresh air and enjoy the fair junk food and not have to leave after 5 mins of being on my feet cause I was hurting so much. It was a nice evening!!!!

Since Saturday evening I have been in a great amount of pain again with the worst of it being yesterday. I finally broke down and took some percocet last night to help with the pain so I can sleep. I do my best to not use it unless I really can't stand the pain because I feel guilty every time I take it because I know it affects the babies too. I have never felt so guilty for taking any kind of medication as I do now.

Monday I hit the 22wk mark and am excited that we've made it one more week towards our goal of a safe delivery. Exhaustion seems to be getting worse and so is the pain but as long as the babies are still going strong, and by their movements they seem to be doing great, I'm willing to endure just about anything.

Ok, so my vent for the day, week or whatever...
    I appreciate the support and advice that I recieve from people when I have asked for it or they are contributing to a vent of mine. What I don't appreciate and in fact it really pisses me off is when someone who doesn't have kids or is pregnant "gives me advice"  on how to deal with stresses of having children before and after they are born, how to prepare for them, what to expect when they come home and how to raise them. If you have you don't have kids and aren't pregnant then you should have an education level higher than a BS degreee for me to even think about not getting hormonal and irrate when you interject your two cents. I am a 30 y/o woman who has served in the militray for 8+ yrs, have taken care of children including babies since I was 8 y/o, and have asked and will continue to ask for help when I want and/or need it. I am not a complete dumbass so don't f*n treat me that way. I am trying so hard not to be a hormonal B*tch but some ppl are just pushing me and I am gonna end up flying off the handle and telling them how I feel in a not so nice way. So back the hell off before your feelings get really hurt. That's my vent for the moment.

Tomorrow anatomy scan of the babies praying everything will still look great.

April 28,2011 Post #2

So hubby comes home late from work again but I keep my cool and don't get PO. Then I get news from him that he won't be able to make the ultrasound appt scheduled for next week because of a special tasking that he is supposed to be the NCOIC of. While part of me understands and is supportive part of me still wants to be a hormonal brat. This ultrasound is a full anatomy scan and cervix check. At the appt we are also supposed to discuss a referrel to UNC Chapel Hill to meet the NICU docs and team and to discuss meeting WAMC NICU docs. I really can't drive too much and I'm afraid that I won't have the energy to drive myself home after the appt. I asked a friend if she could take me and she is doing her best to see if she can work it out but she has kids of her own. Just frustrated cause I'm scared enough as it is when it comes to going to ultrasounds and now my hubby won't be there to give me any kind of support if I get any kind of bad news. I don't want to cry or throw a fit in front of him because I don't want to seem ungrateful for the support he has given me through out this pregnancy but I feel like an emotional wreck right now. I know I'll find a way to get thru it like I always do.

April 28,2011

So very tired today. Didn't get much sleep last night because I couldn't get comfortable. Haven't napped yet today because of severe storm warning and tornado watch issued for this area. Wanted to try and get a couple of errands done today but that's not gonna happen. Exhausted with too much time on my hands does not make for a good combination. My fears dealing with this pregnancy is starting to get the best of me now. Worried about babies growth, delivery date, where I'll end up delivering, making sure the house will be ready for the babies to come home too and the biggest worry right now is if I can remain pregnant the few more weeks it will take to give the babies a fighting chance at survival. Everytime I feel the babies move it's a little reassuring but when it's getting close to attend another ultrasound appt I worry that they are gonna find something wrong. My anxiety level sky rockets. I usually don't let it show except around Nick and even then only minimal. I do my best to remain calm and try not to get too emotional because I don't want anything jeapordizing the welfare of these growing LOs. I'm so thankful for having my dog to keep me company during the day because she watches over me like a hawk. I know I should socialize and see friends or let friends come see me but I don't want to have to deal with putting on a front. I don't want people thinking that I'm more neurotic than I really am so I don't want people to see how scared I am and I don't want hide what I'm feeling too often. Storm seems to have moved on so I'm gonna try to nap. If I can get some sleep I might blog again later.

April 27, 2011

So I don't know diddly squat about blogging. I figured that it's just kinda like keeping a diary so that's what I'm gonna treat this like...

I've been with my loving husband for 9+ years now. I have tried off and on for 10 years total to start a family but up until now it always ended in heartache. We've dealt with 3 miscarriages and many failed failed medicated fertility cycles.

I had pretty much given up hope but in November of last year my hubby and I decided to give trying for a child another chance so we started another medicated cycle with a new RE. Shortly after starting we got into an argument and I decided that I couldn't deal with the emotional rollercoaster of going thru a fertility cycle without the support of my husband so I was gonna concentrate on my career and an upcoming deployment. Little did I know it was too late to back out.

On Christmas Eve I pee'd on a stick and was extremely surprised when it came back positive. I had to wait a few days to get that HPT validated at my clinic; then wait until 6 January for my RE to come back from his Christmas vacation to get it confirmed via ultrasound. That second confimation was done when I was 6 wks pregnant. At 7 weeks we had another ultrasound done because the RE wanted to confirm the number of sacs seen at week 6. Mind you I thought I saw 3 sacs but wasn't absolutely sure about it because I'm not an sonographer or a doc. The sonographer started the ultrasound and within a minute stopped and said she needed to get the doc. I was kinda freaked out by her reaction and was expecting the doc to come back and tell us that we were gonna have another miscarriage. When he walked in I was still on the exam table with my legs in the stirups. He came straight up to me slapped me on my knee and said "There's no easy way to say this but you have four buns in your oven". I looked over at my husband and he had a huge poop eating grin on his face and my first reaction was to say "OH SHIT!". From there we had weekly ultrasounds until I hit 12wks and left my the care of my RE and was transferred to the care of the OB dept. (I have never been pregnant longer than 8 weeks and was expecting to miscarry any minute. Still kinda have that fear.) I saw an OB doc twice and now have care with an MFM doc.

I am now sitting at 21 weeks pregnant still with quads and they are all growing like they should. They are moving like they are playing daily soccer games in a tight playing field. The closer I get to being far enough along that the babies have a chance of surviving outside the womb the more scared I get that something will go wrong before then. Everyday I still check for signs of preterm labor or pending miscarriage. Oh and the pain from the expanding belly is nothing I've ever felt before. Nothing I do seems to tame it at all. The pain will last for a couple of days and then give me a break. Once I get used to the pain level it seems to say ha ha you ain't seen nothing yet and it gets worse. I know in the end it will all be worth it. This is just some of my adventure so far.